Divorces can be one of the most emotionally taxing experiences of one’s life. You might struggle with making decisions that would be challenging even under the best of circumstances, let alone under the stress of divorce. These are five common mistakes people sometimes make during the process of divorce and some of the best ways that they can avoid them.
- Failing to Plan Financially
Easily among the most common mistakes made when a marriage ends is in regards to the division of finances. Simply put, people tire of arguments. This can cause them to give up more than their fair share of the assets. Most damaging is failure to plan for the financial future, making decisions which have the potential to cost them in the long run. For example, they might decide to take a lump sum payment instead of spreading out income over the five to ten years. This can result in a huge net loss when tax season rolls around.
Seeking out a lawyer with knowledge in financial planning and bankruptcy can save thousands over the course of a divorce.
- Dragging it out
In addition to blatant financial mistakes, couples often become embroiled in petty bickering among themselves, involving their attorneys and incurring unnecessary legal fees. For the sake of your children and your pocketbook, an honest lawyer will encourage you to resolve arguments amongst yourselves in an attempt to minimize billable hours.
- Talking Negatively about Your Ex to Your Children
When you bash your ex in front of your kids, you are actually speaking against a piece of your child. He or she internalizes the criticism, which can seriously hurt your relationship and your kids over the long haul. Maturity means accepting that even though the relationship between you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse is coming to a close, for your children it should not be.
- Failing to Cooperate Regarding Co-Parenting
Although you are no longer a husband or wife to your former spouse, you are still a parent. For the sake of your children, you will need to work together despite your differences. Kids sense the tension between parents and worry about saying something favorable that might upset the other one. However, they need to feel secure in the love that you both have for them without feeling like they need to “manage” your relationship. Many parents fail to realize just how observant even the most seemingly aloof child can be.
- Rebound Relationships
While you might need to enjoy a night out with a friend, don’t take it further than that until you have taken time process through the grief of your divorce. You need to focus on your healing instead of jumping into another relationship, especially if you have children. It is hard being alone following a lengthy live-in relationship. This is a time to establish independence, not re-enter a new relationship of codependence.
Attorney Larry Bellomo is Orange County’s choice in Family Law, Divorce and Bankruptcy matters. Find out what makes Larry an indispensable asset to his community and clients.